Fifty Shades of Grey is a novel that’s touched so many people’s sexual hearts, introducing the idea of topping from the bottom. It all came from the iconic scene where Christian Grey told his woman Ana that “you’re topping from the bottom”. Since this, there has been a lot of thought about what it actually means. So what is topping from the bottom and should you do it? Truth be told, bdsm topping from the bottom isn’t the greatest and we’ll explain why. Let’s find out more.
What Is Topping From the Bottom in BDSM?
It’s all an expression of BDSM activity where a sub tries to get control over their dominant counterpart. Topping from the bottom can be done either by being disobedient, dismissive towards a request, or being insubordinate. It can’t necessarily be fun for everyone.
Why Do Subs Top From the Bottom, and Why Isn’t It Good?
Topping and bottoming can be all well and good, but when the submissive doesn’t respect their dom or wants to be dommed more intensely, this is when they top from the bottom. It’s not fun if you’re not discussing your feelings and the feelings of your partner and taking them into account. Everything needs to be done respecting feelings.
How Can You Recognize It?
There are many telltale signs of this phenomenon. Let’s consider some of them.
The Sub Tries to Negotiate
When you think of a dom and sub partnership, it’s all about communication. A sub who wants to top from the bottom is known as a ‘conditional sub’. One example of this is to say “if you can do X, I’ll do Y as I know you love it.” It’s not a business relationship! This isn’t how the nature of the dom/sub dynamic should work. If you are a sub then you should want to please your dom, regardless of what they want to do.
The Sub Ignores Requests
Subs are subs for a reason. They should always be keen to submit to their master. When they ignore requests from a dom, they are clearly failing to submit and this isn’t what it’s all about. Ignoring requests should be a red flag. Remember that it doesn’t always have to be in the bedroom too – something as simple as showing up late to a dedicated time can be a problem.
The Sub Tries to Pull Away From Their Dom
Subs need to be committed to getting into any submissive positions the dom has. They need to submit fully to their dom, with both body and mind. Doms should be able to touch their sub anywhere at any time. It’s their right in this relationship, so when your sub might pull away, this could be a telltale sign. Take action.
The Sub Disagrees With Any Decisions
When one engages in bottom bdsm action, they should be open and willing to submit to any punishments, limits and preferences previously discussed. If the sub begins to disagree with their dom after discussion, this should not be allowed. As an example when a sub tries to convince their dom to use different spanking paddles during the act – here they are topping from the bottom meaning that they’re not respecting the sub/dom dynamic.
Common Examples of Topping From the Bottom
If you’re still unsure, here are some examples of what isn’t good and what constitutes topping from the bottom:
- Ignoring dom commands
- Refusing to do orders
- Bartering with the top
- Making mistakes on purpose
How to Stop Topping From the Bottom
When you’ve got a naughty sub and are experiencing sub drop, there are things that can be done. Let’s look at what to do.
Train
By undergoing training for your sub, they can be encouraged to do behaviours your like and stop doing undesirable things. After you’ve had your preliminary conversation, if it seems to your that the sub isn’t going to follow the rules, they should agree to be trained. It can be highly beneficial for subs and the whole experience.
Honest Communication
Communication is paramount when you’re engaging in topping bdsm action. Some subs may be unwilling to start talking about how they’re really feeling, so kick the conversation off as a dom. Don’t ever get angry with your partner. You don’t want to turn things into a fight.
Conclusion
Now you know all about it you can hopefully make sensible and adult decisions on what to do in your sex life. Remember, respect is key in the sub/dom dynamic. We really hope that you give topping from the bottom more consideration. Stay safe!
What do you think should be done to prevent topping from the bottom? Tell us in the comments section below.
